On Mending

It's been awhile since I've updated folks on how I'm doing with my recovery.

I'm #adapting to my new normal.

The truth is, I can't move my body like I could previous to breaking my femur in April. And the truth is, I'm probably not going to get back to where I was in March.

After living in #PeeCastle (a skilled nursing facility) for 2 months with PT 5 days/week, followed by 2 months of twice weekly PT visits at home, a month off PT, a month of twice weekly outpatient PT visits, and now once a week outpatient visits scheduled until the end of December, I am *finally* seeing improvement in some of the more nuanced things that folks don't think about -- how close to sitting lotus am I, can I get down on the floor and back up, can I get in/out of vehicles, can I kneel on my bed, can I get off my low couch, etc. -- because they're focused on: can I walk, can I do stairs, and am I in pain? The first two I've technically been able to do since the end of May. And I've been in #chronicpain since I broke my tibial plateau in April 2011, and it's not getting any better.

But apparently my hip flexion is off the charts: 97° on the left and almost 100° on the right. #Hypermobility of the joints will do that! Flexion in my right knee is 128° and only 112° in my left, which is keeping me from doing many of the things I want to/need to/enjoy doing. And my balance, while improving, is pretty awful. I continue to try and work on strengthening my left quad, but there aren't many exercises that I can do that only works the left quad and that doesn't aggravate the knee, where most of my pain is located (my right quad does not need further bulking up!). It's literally, painfully obvious that I will not make it to 55 before I *have to* have a total knee replacement (I am 36.5 now); my goal is 45.

I have days that are better than others and days where I fear what things will be like 5 years or 10 years down the road. I've learned that I'm still not able to go on a trip to get a serious haul of groceries, nor get them inside my house and up to my kitchen without significant help. Same goes for carrying birth & midwifery bags around to client's homes. Walking for long periods is rough, but standing half as long is even more rough.

Playing on the floor with my toddler is not a thing. Soaking in a bath is not a thing. Walking around the neighbourhood for no specific reason is not a thing. Taking my toddler somewhere that running is encouraged or tempting without another adult (who is able-bodied) is not a thing. And many more things are not a part of my new normal.

The hardest parts are not the mobility difficulties, the lack in range of motion I desire, the constant dosing of anti-inflammatories and CBD oil, the chronic pain, missing out on certain adventures with my toddler, or relearning my physical limits.

The hardest things are having to depend on others, having to prescreen the #accessibility of places and spaces, having to drastically limit my work and volunteer load because when I can't, I can't, and worrying about the potential for another fall (I'm at a greater risk for falls & fractures now AND I was diagnosed with significant #Osteopenia).

All of this means that now, I *have to* prioritise the self-care things that I always enjoy, but never find the time for: #yoga, swimming, (one-legged) leg presses, hand #quilting, drinking #tea, walking barefoot, and soaking up #Autumn/#Winter sunshine (gotta get that vitamin D).

So, it's not so much recovery, but more adapting. The thing most humans are reasonably good at (not that I'm admitting to being human; I'm totally a #merfolk).

#midwifetakesafall #ambroken #amhealing #onmending #distalobliquefracture #brokenfemur #physicaltherapy #mobilityissues #boneloss #disabled