Here I am in the third trimester of this pregnancy. It is so weird to say that. On one hand it seems like May, when I found out I was pregnant, was soooo long ago and that January is soooo far away, but on the other hand it seems like I found out I was pregnant, blinked, and now I am less than two months away from meeting my growing inhabitant. I am simultaneously prepared and completely unprepared for this magical event. Such is life.
I recently finished up a five session prenatal yoga circle, which did allow me some much needed and planned down time and introspective moments during the end of my second trimester. I am looking forward to continuing with some more gentle yoga sessions and a lot of meditation.
There is a part of me that is already dishing out the “mommy guilt” because of how little time and attention I have given this pregnancy and growing inhabitant, due to my focus being elsewhere and on other people and their pregnancies. I think another factor of this is that I feel like the Universe has gifted me another Star to grow, nourish, and release upon the world and I have not been as focused on that as much as I believe I *should* be. Fuck guilt. Fuck shoulds.
This baby has been exceptionally shy in utero compared to how E was. E *really* liked William’s voice in utero. So much so that when he would come into a room and say something, E would get all wiggly and move to the front of my uterus like he was trying to get out and find William. William is still his favourite parent. This baby moves ALL THE TIME, yet as soon as William places his hand on my belly, nothing. Up until William was finally able to feel some good movements a couple weeks ago, the running joke was that I was not really pregnant, but that I had just decided to get fat growing an ice cream baby!
It is interesting to see how different these kids are from one another already. Though, I do have some theory on why, in a physiological sense, this baby does not move as much for others. This time the placenta is anterior, which means that it is attached to the front wall of my uterus and it is absorbing or blocking most of the earlier movements from being felt from outside the uterus. Whereas E’s placenta was more posterior (more like towards the left side and back a little) and thus was not blocking his earlier movements from being felt easily outside of the uterus. That and maybe this kid likes me more, which would be cool.
We are having a baby shower thanks to our wonderful friend, Claire. None of that weird typical baby shower shit where you have to eat baby food or guess what kind of candy bar is melted into a diaper and so on. (Do people actually enjoy those things?) It is just a few hours of loved ones (of all ages and genders) showering us and baby with love, wisdom, and whit (and hopefully, maybe, some loot too). I am slowly putting together items for a birth altar and have asked everyone that attends the shower to bring something to add to the birth altar — what a divine blessing to have a physical reminder of everyone’s love and good vibes right there with me while in the throws of labour.
Friends have been going through old baby clothes and gifting me more of their hand-me-downs. It is so nice and interesting to be on the receiving end of cute second-hand baby clothes after passing down all of E’s clothing from newborn to about size 10/12 over the years. I love seeing kids all over Pittsburgh wearing his old clothes. A few things have made their way back to us and that is its own kind of special <3
Cloth diapers keep trickling in too. I am almost at the point where I have to start sorting and seeing exactly what I have and what I still need. One thing I know I need more of is newborn diapers of all kinds and/or one-size that can be snapped down to newborn-ish size. I am also on the look out for more woollens — I love wool covers, soakers, shorties, and longies!
And that’s where I find myself at the moment.
#pregnantmidwifeispregnant #pregnantmidwife #thirdtrimester #pregnancy #genderqueer #nonbinary #transandpregnant #memoirs