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  • Writer's picturemisha

Last Drop

photo by Rachel James

I gave birth to a delightful human being named Hazel on January 8th, 2016. #Hazel did all of the normal human baby things, but they hated #breastfeeding, or so it seemed. As it turned out, after successfully #nursing on four other mamas, Hazel didn’t mind nursing, they just didn’t want to nurse on me.

Apparently, Hazel didn’t appreciate my giant boobs. I unscientifically confirmed this by having a friend with even larger breasts attempt to nurse Hazel — unsuccessfully.

Those of you that know me, know that I am not one to give up or give in. I tried ALL. THE. THINGS.

But, at the end of the day, I couldn’t change how my, now screaming and starving, fresh newborn felt about my giant boobs.

I’ve pumped for 11 months 1 week and 3 days. I thought about counting up the ounces and the hours, but I haven’t cried yet and feel like I want to avoid it if possible.

I hated #pumping pretty much all the time. I hated that first month of pumping every 2-3 hours around the clock, instead of sleeping and snuggling my baby. I hated how inconvenient it was to have to make plans around my pumping schedule, even after I switched to pumping every 4 hours around the clock. I hated falling asleep at 4am with a pump attached to me and waking back up an hour later with my nipple sucked into the back of the flange. I hated pumping pretty much all the time.

I love my baby. I love that my body can produce food for my baby even if they didn’t want to nurse. I love that special flanges were invented for mamas like me with really large breasts. I love that I had so much support from so many people all around the world.

I am eternally grateful for Ngozi, my wonderful #lactation consultant; the five other lactating goddess-mamas who nursed my sweet baby; grey-market #Domperidone that boosted my supply; and the SEVENTEEN milk donors who donated milk to feed my hungry baby while I built up my milk production (and their milk again feeds my babe while we cross the one year mark and transition from human milk to non-dairy milk).

Seventeen donors! Catholic, Jewish, Christian, Muslim, Pagan, and Atheist donors. Black, Latinx, Indigenous, and white donors. Donor milk from four different counties. Donors with their first newborns and a donor with their first grandchild! Queer mama donors and two transgender donors. Professional, experienced donors and just loving and helpful first time donors.

Best immune system ever!

Just a little over two hours ago I pumped for the last time. My last 1.5 ounces. The end of one chapter in my journey with sweet baby Hazel. I can’t wait to see what is around the corner for us.

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